(Satire)
Today, U. S. President George W. Bush has declared that United States had finally chosen the next target in the war with the international terrorism. It will be neither Iran nor Syria, but Antarctica, an isolated mainland in the Southern hemisphere. "Antarctica is a real white spot on our globe, and we intend to wash it off", Bush told reporters.
President Bush has listed the motives for such a surprising decision: "First of all, penguins have still not declared their support for USA, which means they support the international terrorism. Secondly, we have reliable information that penguins possess weapons of mass destruction or WMD's, hided in giant glaciers. The US Government has made repeated inquires to penguins to send in Antarctica the commissions of international experts for investigation, but they gave no response. So we cannot longer tolerate such state of things."
Bush continued: "Nobody lives in Antarctica except penguins, which suggests the ethnical cleanings were conducted there." This declaration was supported by Rabbi Marvin Hier, the head of the Simon Wiesenthal Center. He also recalled that during World War II the penguins have collaborated with the Hitler's Germany, providing bases for Nazi flying saucers. "Moreover", Hier told, "penguins certainly knew the Holocaust was going on, but did not tell the world about it and did make nothing to stop it."
"The Penguin State is an anti-Semitic one", Hier continued. "It does not want to pay compensations to Holocaust survivors and it has not adopted laws forbidding the denial or the relativization of the Holocaust. It is really outrageous that such practices are allowed in modern society."
The Pentagon chief Donald Rumsfeld said its department gave the last, one-day ultimatum to penguins, demanding to reveal their secret locations of WMD's and to permit the pacification troops to enter their land. Otherwise, an anti-Terror operation will start "tomorrow morning."
When asked about the war plan, Rumsfeld said: "At first, American and British forces will bomb the glaciers possibly hiding WMD's with cluster and block-buster bombs. These bombings will be very accurate and will not affect the civilians. Then we will land paratroopers in the zone in order to beat the remnants of the Penguin army and to reestablish the order."
Unfortunately, not everybody has applauded this courageous decision of the American administration. For example, a reporter speculated that such bombings would melt the Antarctic glaciers, which would lead to the drastic raising of water level in the global ocean and to the subsequent flooding of Australia, Southern America and other populated areas on the earth. That would cause tens of millions of human victims.
"We realize that somebody would probably die, and we deeply regret that", Bush replied. "But in any war human losses are inevitable and we need to accept that. Actually, the real culprits of those victims will be the penguins' leaders, which repeatedly have denied the dialogue with civilized society. They forced us to take such measures."
President Bush has emphasized that Antarctica is an "undemocratic state." "Penguins have no democratic institutions, no free elections, no diplomatic relations with other states. Even their name, 'imperial penguins', expose their aggressive expansionist intentions. Antarctica represents a serious threat to its neighbours and to the world peace."
Elisa Stewart, the chairman of American Feminist League, has heartily saluted the President's Bush decision and has reminded that women rights are "brutally violated" in Antarctica. "Penguin males have set primitive, disgusting, chauvinistic rules for their females. Just imagine: poor penguin females are obligated to sit on their eggs at a biting, 100-grade frost, in a icy wind, in order to hatch out their young, while their males stay comfortably in warm snow-shelters! It is horrible and it must be stopped. Freedom to penguin females!"
"We must not forget", Bill Gates, the president of Microsoft Corporation (TM), said, "that penguin is a symbol of the anti-American operating system Linux. It puts some thoughts into our minds."
President Bush has finished his address with the words that "this war is strictly necessary, and it will bring the long-awaited freedom and democracy to Antarctica and to penguin people... pardon, animals."
Unfortunately, we could not find out yet any reaction of penguins' leaders concerning the coming war. They seem to continue neglecting other countries and governments, which confirms that the war against them is completely righteous and justified.
by Peter Hedrook, World News Service, New Orleans (WNS-NO)
for Kavkaz center
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